Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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