So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize