I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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