I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
