apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
