Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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