About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
