On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
