my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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