I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
