Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
