And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
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Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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