guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
