ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
