I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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