Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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