just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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