farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
