I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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