dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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