it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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