why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
