I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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