its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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