My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
