I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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