I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
