4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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