Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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