how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
