Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
