I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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