Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
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Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
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WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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