my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
