Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
