Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
