Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
