You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
