I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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