I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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