saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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