Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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