he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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