I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
