The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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