The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
