Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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