we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
