I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
