rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Boobs speak an international language.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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