I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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