he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
