drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
