Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
