We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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