The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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