My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
