Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
