someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
