his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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