At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
