No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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