You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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