just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
