I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
