Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
