He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
