I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My ATM looks so different sober.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
