Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
