Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
