Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
