do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
